The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
