My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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