How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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