we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
