So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
