Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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