Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
