i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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