If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize