using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
