What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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