she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
