Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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