She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got inside last night via doggy door
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
