Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
