My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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