I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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