Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
