I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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