1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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