My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize