he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
