Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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