So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
