you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
