Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
