Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well you can't waste a boner
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
