booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
