You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
