life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
