WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
