i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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