You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
