the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
