I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
