I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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