I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
