I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
