My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
