I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
