I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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