I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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