If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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