i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
