Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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