I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
