guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Couch. On fire.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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