this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
