Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
