sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
