I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
