I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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