Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
