Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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