i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My ass is underappreciated
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
