I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
