We need to rekindle our bromance
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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