Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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