Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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