my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize