I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
