Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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