babies were throwing up all over the place
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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