I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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