Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
