so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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