I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
