Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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