So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize