I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
