She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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