I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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