You're so nebulous sometimes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
