do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
