how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
