Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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