the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
