Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize