the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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