The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize