is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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