About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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