There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize