I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
