Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
