did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
