only if we run a train.
done.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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