Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
