I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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