This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
