just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
