I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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