I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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