Dual....:-)
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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