and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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