I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
