we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
