I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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