NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
