Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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