Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
