i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
