A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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