He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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