I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
