It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
