Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
