Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
