Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm passing your future prison.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
