this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
