U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
