yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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