Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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