Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love accidental penises.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
